Sims Online

Review - Nick fashions his green mullet and relinquishes all personal hygiene in assessing EA’s latest cash-cow.

As a rule, I don’t really have much to do with the anti-Starbucks crowd. Smashing up McDonalds and sporting a blue mullet is not my vision of a utopian paradise. But sometimes, even smelly hippies can get things right – companies can occasionally take things too far. The Sims, in my opinion, is one such example.

Finally, after years of expansion packs and ports to new systems, some accountant at EA decided it was time to bring together two of the big successes of gaming in the last few years – namely persistent online gaming, and The Sims itself. Note: the following account is entirely fictitious, any similarity to real persons or events is purely coincidental. But it was probably just like this…

EA Exec (on phone) – I don’t care if they’re whining, I will not loosen the chains on their ankles. Lousy programmers. Cancel their annual day off. (slams down phone).
Marketing Exec enters
EA Exec – ah, Caruthers. Good to see you, was just having some problems with the ‘help’. Honestly, to hear those programmers go on you’d think they were vital to the games industry. Anyway, lets hear the good news, Caruthers.
Caruthers – Well, sir, everything seems to be going swimmingly. Sales of Obscure American Sport 2006 are way ahead of the curve, sir.
EA Exec – Excellent, Caruthers, excellent. What else?
Caruthers - Well sir, the marketing department has just completed its annual justify-your-job study. I’m afraid to report, sir, that the technical department failed to provide a power point presentation this year – they submitted a text file. Said something about ‘cross-platform compatibility’. So naturally we let them go.
EA Exec – Good work Caruthers. No slackers while you’re around, eh?
Caruthers – Indeed not, sir. In fact, if I may be so bold, might I suggest an idea I had recently?
EA Exec – Bleed more money from the plebs, eh Caruthers? Man, you’re ruthless, remind me not to turn my back while you’re around!
Caruthers – Very droll, sir. You are a man of rare wit. Anyway, I would like to further extend our Sims line to trap that most wondrous of commodities – the online player, possessed of a credit card.
EA Exec – Hah! Brilliant, Caruthers, brilliant! I’ll get them working on that in the basement right away (reaches for phone). Squash later, Caruthers?
Caruthers – Usual time and place, sir.

So now here we are, and the Sims Online is a reality. The original game was, and still is of course, a veritable cash cow for Maxis and then EA. And I’m also sure that everyone reading this has played it in some form, or at least knows someone who has. I’ll therefore keep the preliminary preamble to a minimum.